Baby Making!!!

Sorry it has been so long since my last post, but aside from the fact that it has been midterms week at school, which for me is more projects than tests, I have been having a bad case of writers block. Everything I have written, and yes there have been several drafts, all sounds like utter crap. So I have been spending most of my time browsing the web, looking at other posts and pictures, hoping that I would get some inspiration. Nothing. So instead I just opened a new post and started writing.

The funny thing is for the first time I decided to write a post on my phone and it actually seems to be helping, perhaps changing how I write my posts is a way for me to get inspiration. It almost feels like I am writing a long text, which is actually quite entertaining at the moment. Perhaps it is because I am in a small room with a tiny sleeping baby and only have my phone as entertainment.

A few weeks ago my wife started babysitting a two month old baby. She is the cutest most easiest baby in the world. She is always giggling and smiling, and only cries when she is absolutely unhappy, which is very rare.

I will say this though, watching her has only worsened my wife and I as far as baby blues go. We want one of our own so bad.

Back in December, we cut off all contraceptives, leaving it up to God as to when we would concieve. Other than that though we haven’t really been trying, until a few weeks ago.

Lately we have been doing a lot of research (well my wife has anyway as I hate research) about increasing our chances of getting pregnant. So far though nothing yet. The worst is when my wife will start getting strange symptoms that are generally signs of pregnancy. Then we get ourselves all worked up, take a pregnancy test and then, utter disappointment.

We will keep trying though. Hopefully one day soon we will get lucky. In the mean time be sure to check out my wife’s TTC vlog on youtube.

Take Time or Make Time

I think one of the hardest things I have had to deal with since my father’s stroke, was simple being able to share my time. So you understand, when I met my wife, we spent all our time together or with her family simply because my family is a lot farther away. It’s not to say I’m not close with my family, we just have had long distance relationships for a long time.

The only family member I have always been extremely close with was my younger sister. I don’t know if it was just because I have always found it a necessity to protect her or if it’s because we have so much in common. Even with her, after I left for college our relationship became distant unless I was home for the holidays or just visiting. We rarely spoke on the phone.

Needless to say, when she came to live with us, after going through many of the same hardships I have had to face over the last few months, that brotherly instinct must have kicked back in.

It wasn’t that it was wrong to have that emotional connect with my sister. The problem was when I started to allow it to consume me, so much so that it began to affect my marriage. I wanted to spend a big portion of my time consoling my sister, helping her do her homework, find activities to do with her to help her feel more at home in a strange place.

I don’t know how I missed all the struggles my wife was going through, by giving up so much of our life simply to take care of my sister and my father, but by me then finding ways to use more of the free time we had to spend with my family, it really cut into our time.

It literally almost destroyed us. I had begun to take her for granted, thinking that she would always be there and that we had each other while my sister didn’t have anybody. What I didn’t understand is now my wife didn’t have anybody. She didn’t have time to spend with her family like we use to, and now she didn’t really even have me.

Luckily at some point I realized the flaw in my logic and have strived harder to make time for my wife. In turn I learned that when we take the time for each other and work together, we are better able to help others, together. The sooner husbands realize the better your life will be, and as a consequence, even though it isn’t the reason why I did it, you probably get sex better than before and more often.  Just saying.

Dear Teddy

(Letter written to my wife on our first marriage retreat one week from our anniversary)

The last several months have probably been some of the most trying times you have ever had to face. I know your stress level has been through the roof. You willing take on so many responsibilities that should be my own. I just want you to know that it means the world to me what you were/are willing to give up for me and my family.

Yes, I may say I love you and write an occasional sticky not telling you how much you mean to me but it’s not nearly as much as you deserve. You sacrifice the majority of your time for the sake of my issues. I know there are times when I have made life hard, but I want to reaffirm the commitment I made to you last February. I will be yours for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, through the best of times, and the worst of times, through the summer and the winter, even if death should separate us for awhile. I will remain yours in the great blue yonder.

I commit to making myself more available  more attentive, more helpful, more positive, no matter what we are going through. I want to try to help remove your anxiety and stress so that we can spend more time together.

I look at you today and realize you are more beautiful than the woman I saw walking down that candlelit isle. And I can only imagine how much more beautiful you will be 50 years from this moment.

I see a very bright future with a beautiful home filled with happy positive little voices scurrying under foot. With God as our center nothing is impossible.

Loving you always,
Your Bunny

When you need me…I’m here

*frustrated with no one to talk to.

I’m 23 years old and to me that is still very young to be a caregiver for someone almost twice my age, especially if that person is my father. I know its not his fault and I know that if he could take care of himself, he would and more. The bad part about being a caregiver is you have to be devoted to it.