I think one of the hardest things I have had to deal with since my father’s stroke, was simple being able to share my time. So you understand, when I met my wife, we spent all our time together or with her family simply because my family is a lot farther away. It’s not to say I’m not close with my family, we just have had long distance relationships for a long time.
The only family member I have always been extremely close with was my younger sister. I don’t know if it was just because I have always found it a necessity to protect her or if it’s because we have so much in common. Even with her, after I left for college our relationship became distant unless I was home for the holidays or just visiting. We rarely spoke on the phone.
Needless to say, when she came to live with us, after going through many of the same hardships I have had to face over the last few months, that brotherly instinct must have kicked back in.
It wasn’t that it was wrong to have that emotional connect with my sister. The problem was when I started to allow it to consume me, so much so that it began to affect my marriage. I wanted to spend a big portion of my time consoling my sister, helping her do her homework, find activities to do with her to help her feel more at home in a strange place.
I don’t know how I missed all the struggles my wife was going through, by giving up so much of our life simply to take care of my sister and my father, but by me then finding ways to use more of the free time we had to spend with my family, it really cut into our time.
It literally almost destroyed us. I had begun to take her for granted, thinking that she would always be there and that we had each other while my sister didn’t have anybody. What I didn’t understand is now my wife didn’t have anybody. She didn’t have time to spend with her family like we use to, and now she didn’t really even have me.
Luckily at some point I realized the flaw in my logic and have strived harder to make time for my wife. In turn I learned that when we take the time for each other and work together, we are better able to help others, together. The sooner husbands realize the better your life will be, and as a consequence, even though it isn’t the reason why I did it, you probably get sex better than before and more often. Just saying.
(anonymous) 